A good bop in the head!

So remember when I said that this would be journey? And that I would probably share lots of emotions with you, well here it goes, I knew a few months ago that when I started out on a new journey that would put God at the center, I would be a prime target for the enemy, up until this week I thought maybe just maybe the enemy forgot about me. Ha! How silly of me!

This week has been full of panic, overwhelmingness, heartbreak, fear, worry, self-doubt, frustration and anger! However in the midst of all that the other day I couldn't get these verses out of my head and heart, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose," Romans 8:28 and "So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own," Matthew 6:34 there were on auto-play in my head, because last time I checked I love Him more than anything else in the world, and it's evident I have been called according to His purpose, so why on earth was I letting the enemy get the best of me? It was like for an entire day God was telling me, He is in control and He has never let me down before, so why would I suddenly worry now?

Asking people for help whether its physical help, help through prayer, making my needs known etc., does not come easy for me, but this week I had to humble myself and ask for prayer, I had to surround myself with people who love and care about me, I also had to ask for physical help, and my friends are truly the greatest. I love that when I need to see God the most in my life he makes Himself completely visible.

This week, I was asked how I could believe in God when I couldn't see Him physically in my life, my answer was but I CAN see Him in my life, I see Him through people and acts. This week, I was blessed in ways beyond measure, I was able to comfort a mother who lost her 17 year old son to the streets, after losing another son to the streets just 3 years ago, not only did I get to comfort her, but I got to lead her to Christ, I got to see God move in her pain, I got to reconnect with a group of boys who I met literally in the midst of their "activity" just a little over a year ago, I got to hear stories of how their lives are changing, I got to be the recipient of MANY blessings this week as I watched people who barely even know me, go out of there way to help get my new home ready to move in...

At the end of the day yesterday I sat in my car and I cried, because I realize that until yesterday I missed the blessings of the week, because I got lost in the chaos, and the horrible emotions, as I sat in my car and had a tearful conversation with God were I felt so angry and frustrated it was right their in the midst of those tears, that I really felt like God was bopping me in the head and saying to me, but you have nothing to be angry or frustrated about, you've missed the ways I have blessed you this week. I realized how so often we miss what God is doing in our lives because we are so frustrated by the things that He's not doing, I usually do a pretty good job of praising God for the things He is doing before praying about the things I desire for Him to do but this week, I lost all of that.

So finally as I realized a friend was poking their head in my window to make sure I was ok, because I had been sitting there in tears for almost 15 minutes, I remembered that God will not leave or forsake me, and I quickly recited my favorite verse in my head, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future," Jeremiah 29:11, and thanked God for the lessons He taught me throughout my pain, fear and heartache this week.

I will leave you with a few prayers that I am praying and ask that you join me in praying

-Praying for Ms. Janice, she lost her son this week "D" this boy was one of the boys I used to spend my Wednesdays mornings with, his mom finally accepted Christ into her life this week through her pain. I want to be a good testimony to who Christ is in her life.

-As I move forward in ministry, I am praying for protection from the enemy, next week my nanny job ends, this has kind of been my security blanket for the past year, and as I move forward I won't have that security anymore, its all in Faith I go, I am excited, overwhelmed and even a little scared, but as I learned this week God is in control, and if God is for me who can be against me?

-Health, I have not felt "normal" in a little over a month, and this week I was given strict instructions, about my sleeping habits, so I am making getting to bed and getting enough sleep a priority, but daily it has been tempting to do just ONE more thing before bed, which would keep me up later than I need to be. I need to be rested as in two weeks, the craziness and fun begins!

Thank you for praying with and for me!

I have a dream

Okay so you may have caught me in a little fib, I have MANY dreams, however I've had the opportunity to attend a retreat in DC this weekend called Dream Year Weekend it's part of Ben Arment's bigger Dream Year process, this has been an exciting weekend for me as I have realized that every single one of my dreams are obtainable, and in the words of Ben Arment, "Your dreams are waiting for YOU!"

I've known for a while that my dreams are waiting for me, and I have been working hard in achieving them, but there's been a "dream" God has been stirring in my heart for a while, one that I haven't really shared with the world until this past week, one that scares the bejebus (I don't even know if that's a word!) out of me! One that literally three weeks ago I felt like God was telling me it was time to pursue it, my response, "Really God in the middle of all the other crazy transitions, right now?" and His response YES!!!!

Yesterday as I got to Dream Year and people started asking me about my dream, the words that came out of my mouth, were not what I expected would be the dream I would want to focus on this weekend, however as God has taken me on a healing journey over the past few months of my own life, and the fact that my story has been instrumental in changing the life of a girl I met just a few short weeks ago, I have realized that this dream among all the others stirring in my heart, is one that can change not only my life, but the lives of others.

So today as I shared my dream with Ben I realized that God has birthed this dream in my heart, and Ben confirmed that as he spoke about all of us having a history with our dream, so you might ask, what is that dream?

Well along with everything else God has me doing right now, I would also like to become a motivational speaker, inspiring young women to find the value in the Lord and not the world, while my long term goal is to find my own platform, find my own place, I would like to make it the Revolve Tour stage, I would like to share with 1,000 of girls my story and how I went from finding my value in the world, to finding my value in the Lord, the journey God has taken me on and how He can bring them out of the darkness into light as well.

To some of you this might come as a surprise, because I HATE public speaking, I've been told I am good at it, and no one can ever tell when I am nervous, however I feel like I am going to throw up every time I have to speak on stage, whether it's in front of complete strangers or a group of my closest friends. However I think God is going to use this in big ways to stretch me beyond my wildest dreams.

So there you have it on "paper" I want to be a public speaker, I know crazy right?! WELL today I filmed a part of the DreamYear trailer at Dream Year weekend and for once I felt comfortable in front of the camera, I felt comfortable sharing my heart not only to a camera but to some complete strangers!

While the next few weeks are going to be a little crazy, I am going to continue to let God mold this dream in my heart, I am going to spend the rest of the weekend soaking up some amazing encouragement from some fellow dreamers, Ben and the rest of the Dream Year Crew and I am going to hold on tight as God takes me on a WILD RIDE!

I'm in Love with A Stripper....

It's true...I am in love with a stripper, two strippers actually, the other day I decided I was going to camp-out at Panera and get some work done, well this particular Panera tends to be full of people I know and this day it wasn't any different. I ran into a few different groups of friends there and each of them asking about my new adventures and one of them prying about one of my latest blog entries, more specifically the one about "J" well I began retelling the story with so much excitement that I got a little too excited and said pretty loudly, can you believe it one night she's selling her body and the next she's found new life (sometimes when I get excited I think the world needs to know what I am exited about), well it made the girls at the next table perk up, and I could see them out of the corner of my eye hanging on every word of my story.

Fast forward 15 minutes when my friends walked away, one of the girls leaned over towards me and she said, "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I overheard you talking about a girl selling her body, was she a stripper?" I looked oddly at the girl and said..."uh no actually she was a prostitute, why?" At this point I got a little worried that these girls might know "J" and were going to get upset that I was telling her story to all the world, but instead these girls leaned over and confessed to me that there were strippers.

Apparently it all started with a need for money and then eventually a need to feel needed and "loved", so the girls looked into going to an amateur night at a strip club in Baltimore, and now has landed them both dancing on "The Block" in Baltimore. The truth is that typically one thing leads to another and the girls find themselves addicted to some kind of something. Both of these girls have a drug problem, neither are using needles but they both have a drug issues, justifying it by sayings, "it's what helps get me through it," Do you want to guess how old these girls are? One of them is in her late teens and the other is just recently 20, apparently where they dance, they are both part of the "Barely Legal" set.

As I listened to these girls tell their story, wondering why in the world they would be so open to me a complete stranger, they eventually planted themselves at my table and we had a long conversation about their lives, they both graduated high school and started to attend college, but not surprisingly both girls have stopped going to college and are taking their clothes off for money, they both live in houses that are paid for by a "sugar daddy."

One of the girls told me about how her mom died when she was sophomore in high school and her dad never healed and so she pretty much got herself through high school while raising her little brothers and then took her dad to court and fought for them and then left she now raises her brothers and pays someone to babysit them on nights when she dances, the other told me about a drug addicted dad and a mom in the military who was deployed for many years of their lives, both of these girls suffer from abandonment and have been running into the arms of many men who "care" about them, one of them will tell you she's ready to give up dancing and find a purpose for her life, but she doesn't know how, the other will tell you with everything in her and as honest as she can be, that she needs the money and feels like she needs to continue dancing to be able to survive financially.

My heart shattered the longer I sat there with them, but the longer I sat there the more in love I fell with them, I was actually headed to Fusion, and boldly invited them both to come, they both gave me the answer I figured they would, a big NO! I knew they wouldn't want to come to church and when I asked them why, I got the "God can't love me while I am doing this," answer.

Which just opened up a huge door of opportunity to share with these girls, that YES they are loved...and that they can do you church and they can be restored. Eventually the girls told me they needed to go and get ready for work, however not before asking for my phone number, and asking if they could call me sometime, of course I said yes. I promised that I would pray for the girls, I also promised if they ever changed their mind about going to church, I would love to bring them to church with me.

As these girls walked away I couldn't help but think of a song I had heard earlier that morning called Dancing for the Groceries, and how we don't know every story of every girl who's on that stage, pole or street corner, and for some like one of my new friends she's taking her clothes off because its easy money to help take care of her siblings she's raising. This is real life, both of these girls said to me, what would I put on a job application for prior experience, stripper? They are right, what would they put? And if they were honest would they be hired? As the girls walked away, I prayed that they would be delivered from this lifestyle, this vicious cycle, that they would find the purpose for their lives, they would go to college and that they would know that God loves them, dancing on a pole or sitting in an office his love is so much bigger than they could ever imagine.

This morning I got a call from one of the girls, we chatted and she thanked me for giving her hope and not being upset she listened in on my conversation. Her phone call was a reminder that God can and will use us anywhere, we never know who's listening in and who's going to be touched through our words and actions, so I will leave you with this verse from Matthew 5:14 that reminds us once we are of Christ we cannot be hidden,"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden."

Peewee, Buttercup, bubbles & Miss Coco

When I look at those names above, I think of a creepy kids show, some cartoon cheerleaders and a a hot drink on a winter morning, however that list of names is so much more than that! It's just a few of the kids who I met last night, (of course they all have real names) and Miss Coco is my new nickname, because clearly you can't hang with these kids unless you too have a nickname!

It started with a few pieces of sidewalk chalk that I handed to one kid who was playing outside my house and then I was standing in what will soon be a prayer and quiet room at my house looking out the window and it was like my dream came true, there were 8-10 kids all playing along my front steps (shame on me for not having my camera!), then I dug around in my car and found a couple of footballs and a few of my friends (and 5 local police officers who were on walking detail) showed up and we spent close to two hours playing outside and getting to know the kids.

When I made the decision to really follow God's plan for my life and agree to move into the community I would be serving in, I honestly wondered how I would be received there. I wondered if the neighbors would love or hate me. I will say that on the surface the decision to move to what most refer to as "the hood" was an easy decision, however I would be lying if I said that there were never moments when I thought to myself what in the world am I doing? But last night as neighbors came out of their homes to meet me, and tell me how excited they are that I am coming to live among them, start a program for their children and dream big about the things that could happen in their community through a local church, I realized I had nothing to worry about.

As Ms. Ida stood on my porch and told me that they were going to be blessed to have me and gently reminded me to say my prayers last night, and as 'Tae a 20 yr old single daddy with a desire to play basketball at Towson University and get is business degree and write some Jesus Raps for me this summer told me that he was going to make sure no one bothered me, and as 5 yr old Pee-Wee told me I was his best friend, my decision to move forward and make that little home on N.Luzerne my home was even more confirmed. Yesterday morning I got to my house and I stood in my bedroom and looked out over the street, prayed for my neighbors and started to dream about the things that are going to happen in my house, about making PB&J's for the kids who will make my back patio there second home, making cookies for Ms. Ida and Ms. Carolyn and inviting them over for coffee and bible study, and spending time with T a 25 year old mentally disabled woman who begged me last night to have a bible study just for her!

I wish right now I could tell each and everyone of you this story in person, so you would understand the excitement in my heart, I wish I could bring everyone of you to my new house so you could experience the love there, I wish that for one minute we could trade hearts and minds so you could see what I see when I pull down this block. I've been spending a lot of time explaining to people why I've made the decision to move THERE, I don't know how many times I've heard in the past few weeks, oh that's where your new house is, or is that safe, or I can't believe you would give up your current house, but what these people are failing to realize is this is a calling on my life, this is what it means to sacrifice for Christ, and last time I checked following Christ wasn't supposed to be comfortable or easy.

So would you join me to today in praying for the Peewee's Buttercup's, Bubble's, Ms. Ida's and Tae's of my neighborhood? Would you also join me in praying for the police officers who spend their evenings doing walking detail up and down the streets of this neighborhood that they will be protected, but that they will also continue getting to know the kids and engaging them, and finally would you praise God with me for this amazing opportunity?

Photo: My new BFF Pee-Wee!

It's 3:39 a.m....

and my phone is ringing off the hook, it can be one of a few things, a call from one of my kids or parents that something terrible has happened, one of my kids in trouble or a girl who I've passed my phone number to. This morning it rang and I looked down at the phone and I saw "J's" name...my heart started to race, all I could think of was she got into the car with someone and they've hurt her...however this was not the case!!

It was J and she sounded so happy, (I thought to myself is she crazy it's 3:40 in the morning) apparently when you make big decisions like J did at that time of the morning happy is the only thing you know how to be! So J told me that she hasn't stopped thinking about our conversation over a week and a half ago and that every time she gets into the car with a random guy she hears my voice saying to her, "Are you getting in the car with some random guy who's going to do God knows what to you, or getting in the car with me and going somewhere safe?" So she proceeded to tell me where she was and that she realized she needed help and wanted to get off the streets and go home!

As I got in my car and drove to pick her up off of a "busy" street corner in West Baltimore, I couldn't help but smile and thank God, little did I know the night was going to get even more exciting! As I pulled up I heard her telling a few of the girls where she was going and that if she could help it she wouldn't be back! I looked at her shook my head and waited for her to get in, as we drove off I said a quick prayer for the remaining girls and off we went.

On the way to the hospital she talked to me about how the past week and a half has been different for her, how she was aware of her decisions and how they weren't good for her, this seriously was not the girl I had met a few short weeks ago! As we are driving she was asking me questions about how I knew that God was real, and guess what right next to me sat a real life example of how I know God is real, a girl I have prayed for for almost two weeks is sitting next to me and headed to get help, how much more real can I make God to her?

So we pull into the hospital around 4:20 and get her checked in, at 4:40 my dear friend J, prayed to accept Christ into her life, at 4:45 she was called back to triage and now begins the rest of her life. This morning I had meetings I need to be at but as soon as I got out this afternoon, I made a phone call, got in touch with her nurse, and found out that because of a phone call I made at 6:30 this morning on my way home to shower and get ready to start my day, J was now holding her mom's hand as she was working out the details of where she would go from here.

This evening I am going to meet J's mom, she wants to hug me, she wants to thank me, but really I want to hug her, and thank her for the opportunity to reach out to her this morning. She told me one the phone she figured I was calling to tell her, her daughter was dead. But the opposite couldn't be more true, this girl has a new life ahead of her.

Will you join me in lifting up J and her mom, they both have a long road ahead of them, I am so excited to see how God uses this girl. I am so thankful that God has given me this heart, the one that doesn't mind I have a long day and it's 3:30 in the morning, the one who is rearranging my life to meet a precious mom tonight...the heart that allows me to weep for people like J, and not give up even when there is resistance.

Will you join me in praying for Kortni?

About a year ago, God blessed my life with an amazing group of college students, the students came from Towson and UMBC Campus Crusade for Christ programs. These kids blew me out of the water with their dedication, their love for the ministry and the people they were serving. As time went on I had the chance to get to know them, watch them grow and hear their dreams. I connected with a few of them in very different ways, but Kortni was different, I remember the day she came to me with tears and told me she was leaving MetroKidz because God had moved in her heart and she felt a calling to work with homeless people, and she wanted to be instrumental in getting a homeless ministry started, I couldn't have been more thrilled for her. Today I am letting Kortni take over my blog, so she can tell you a little bit about what God is doing in her life...and where He's taking her this summer.

My name is Kortni Magliaro and I am a freshman at Towson University. This year has been absolutely incredible and extremely challenging. I’ve seen God in every moment of it. I don’t see how I could be more blessed.

I got involved in Campus Crusade for Christ, and started going to MetroKidz, which is how I met Colleen. Her ministry changed my life. It gave me a heart for Baltimore, and broken cities around the world. To know that people are so afraid to venture to the city makes me want to lay my life down for the people in the city who so desperately need Jesus.

I’ve been given the opportunity to go to the city this summer. Not just any city…a few major cities located in East Asia. I get to spread the gospel in nation where the bible is illegal.

Rarely do they accept freshman on such intense oversea trips, so when God called me to apply, I was uncertain to say the least. But through serving alongside Colleen, Bryan and Melissa, as well as many of my brothers and sisters in Christ, and seeing the faces of children who come from absolute brokenness, I thought, “How could I not go?” I felt the conviction and went for it. I waited a very long 2 ½ months to hear that I was accepted!

I love the Lord. My desire is whatever He desires. It’s a very simple, maybe almost pleasant sentiment. However, it is so difficult to live this out. When God calls me to do something, I am compelled to action. I will go the extra distance. I will do whatever it takes. I will suffer, because I know I am running the race for Christ. This is why I need to go to East Asia. He calls…I respond. I don’t know how to not respond to Him.

I desperately need prayer for this trip. Not just for myself, but for my team. We are leaving May 20th. That date is approaching very soon! I’m excited and terrified at the same time…it’s a very weird place to be at. I also need to raise $5125 before I leave. So far, I have raised $3150. I know that God will provide, because He is a good God. And He’s really great at making things just appear out of nowhere.
Thank you, Colleen, for allowing me to post on your blog. And thank you to everyone who may read this!
“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19

If you're interested in praying for Kortni or hearing more about her trip, you can send her an email at kmagli1@students.towson.edu or click her name above to be directed to her facebook page.

Dreams really do come true

So for those of you who know me personally and have spent anytime with me know that I am a dreamer! That's putting it mildly, I dream about changing the world, I dream about where I will be five years from now, I dream about tomorrow! My dreams are huge and sometimes they have to be roped in!

One thing I have dreamed of since beginning my journey in ministry is living within the community I am serving, I dream of being a light of hope, a home of hope in a dark place, I've dreamed of being able to get to know the families invite them over for dinner, host bible studies in my living room... for the past few years I've felt that longing to be in the midst of things, but it never seemed like the right time, I prayed and prayed for this opportunity! I've said it before patience is not my strong point!

So friends GUESS WHAT?! I'm MOVING!!!!! In a few short (long) months I will be moving into a community in East Baltimore. I spent the month of April praying over two beautiful opportunities God laid before me, the more I prayed, the more God revealed to me that it was time for me to move, time for me to submerge myself in a community, time for me to follow the dreams that God has placed in my heart and mind. It was time to put aside any doubts I had about moving into the "hood," and just do it. So not only will I be building a ministry from the ground up (I promise to write more about this soon!), but I will also be living with the people I am working with! I am so anxious to get started!

So yes those "rumors" you've heard about me moving are true, so prepare yourself friends there will be moving parties (I'm probably going to be moving in stages), painting/cleaning parties and then once I'm settled game night parties!

I have a few prayers if you wouldn't mind joining me in praying:

*First of all I am praising God, this is a dream come true for me, since beginning my ministry journey, I have prayed and dreamed about living in a home and creating a house of hope in the middle of darkness!

*However with all that come a little bit of fear, so I pray for protection, peace and the ability to be a light!

*I am also praying for finances, I am still support funded and not quite to my financial goal...however in the month of April I learned to be faithful with little and God provided in HUGE ways for me!

*Also over the next month I have to find someone to take over my lease on my current house so that I don't have to pay rent through the summer since I won't be living at my current house.

*Faith knowing that God is going to provide for my every need, I honestly don't have many personal things, no furniture, dishes etc. because I have always lived in furnished home or with roommates, so the hunt begins for silly things like furniture, dishes, pots and pans etc.!

*Finally that God will shine through me in everything I do and that my plans will not be my own.