So this morning I opened up my email and today's Proverbs 31 devotion was about Answer Envy, how we sometimes get jealous when other people around us are getting all of their prayers answered, prayer for Prince Charming, the perfect job, a baby, etc. and I sat there thinking to myself how true it is, that sometimes we forget about the blessings God is giving us during the waiting time, we're too busy worrying about whether or not God's going to answer our prayers.
I know that God blesses me, and answers my prayers, but sometimes there are big requests and I wonder if God has forgotten them, I mean who doesn't think that sometimes? I try so hard to not think that way, but I think we'd all be lying if we said we never wonder if God is hearing us?
Fast forward to this morning, you see I watch this beautiful little girl Miss T (check out her mom's blog) , and when I walked in I found an index card on the counter with some words written and highlighted! Rewind a couple of months ago, I decided that we should host a night of prayer at MetroKidz, a ministry I used to be involved with, and I encouraged each of my volunteers myself included to write a prayer on a note card, pray over it and then we'd put it in a basket and everyone would get one back at the end of night.
Well it just so happened that B (T's daddy!) drew my card out of the basket, my card read "I am praying for peace, wisdom & direction in my life, I am ready to die to the world, and be filled to the brim with Jesus." You see at that moment in my life I was feeling so unsettled, I knew God had big plans for me, but I wasn't sure at that moment where I needed to be, I knew some changes were going to be happening in my life, but I had no idea what that even meant at the time, and I was having trouble shaking the doubt, the fear....I found myself being too busy for reading my bible, too busy for prayer and too busy for true Christian fellowship...
That night I sat in the sanctuary in tears, I wanted nothing more than to be filled with Jesus, I wanted wisdom, direction and peace about the things that were supposed to be happening in my life. I wanted to be excited about reading my bible again, I wanted to be dedicated to praying faithfully again (why is it so easy to get "busy" when we're frustrated with life?), I wanted to know right then and there where God was going to lead me (Patience is NOT my virtue)!
It was a few weeks later that my world became turned upside down, I was no longer about of the ministry that was my life, the church I had become so fond of was not where I found myself on Sunday mornings...it was a decision I made after much time in prayer (months in fact), but it wasn't easy, literally every day was a challenge, because all I could think about was what was going on around me, this decision came with a lot of hurt and heartache, but it also came with many new opportunities, the biggest opportunity was taking the month of April off with the blessings of my supporters, and spending time seeking God's will for my life, spending time in prayer and fasting, taking a trip to N. Carolina to visit some dear friends, and be removed from the situation...it also provided me the opportunity to follow-up on two separate opportunities for ministry...fast forward to yesterday April 28, 2011, my biggest prayer was answered, in stages of course, a prayer of closure, the opportunity to love, forgive and move-on, followed by stage 2 the opportunity to sit and dream about what the future holds for me within the ministry...talking about my dreams....and dreaming REALLY big! It was such a day of answered prayer, so friends this morning I didn't have to envious of huge answered prayers this morning because MINE was answered and B decided to leave me a subtle (my written request) reminder that God is bigger than I could ever imagine!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
God is so REAL....
As firm as I am in my belief of Christ, I will never stop being amazed at the ways that He continues to show up in my life and blow me away....withing the past week I've seen God in two amazing ways.
The first one was in the airport coming back from my weekend getaway...our flight was nearly an hour delayed taking off because the plane we were waiting for was stuck in Orlando due to storms, as I sat there I looked up and I saw this couple that had taken the same flight I did on Saturday, taking the same flight back to Baltimore, I saw a young guy, a young business man and an older woman all sit in the same little cluster of chairs that I did. As we continued to sit there the business man who I later found out was named John, kept getting phone calls on his phone, after one of the calls he took, I looked over and he was in tears, he walked to the podium and asked what time we would arrive in Baltimore, still flooded with tears and when they told him it would be after 9 p.m., he cried even more, at this point I had no idea why this man was crying, but it was breaking my heart. He begged the lady at the podium to re-route his flight so he could get back to Maine that night...it was impossible.
So John came back over and sat down right across from me, and was still crying, in the meantime (ps: I wish all of you could have watched this unfold the way I did!) Seth who was sitting next to me had taken out his guitar and was quietly strumming worship songs on his guitar, which triggered a conversation with myself, the couple (Michael and Tyanna), the older woman (Rose) and Seth about being a Christian. It was beautiful to be surrounded by a group of believers in an airport, I knew it was God, finally Rose said to John is everything okay who can WE not I WE be praying for you... "Well my wife is having our first baby, she's in early labor, the doctor just told her she's delivering, I won't be there to see my first child born."
I am not a parent so I can't even begin to imagine what this feels like, but the next thing I knew the six of us were in a prayer circle with Seth playing his guitar softly and Rose praying for John and his wife and their soon to be born baby...it was amazing, God was so real in that moment, when strangers came together to love and pray for a complete stranger in his time of need... You will all be glad to know that John and his wife are the proud parents of a little girl, she was born a little premature they named her Olivia Rose.
The other way that God made himself so real was last Wednesday evening I got together with a few friends and we spent some time dreaming about the future God has for us, about 10 minutes before we were about to end I got a text from a friend of mine, "We're outside...we just walked here from Wilkens," I have to be honest and tell you that my attitude was far from welcoming, I was exhausted...emotionally, mentally, physically and all I wanted to do was go home. But I am telling you, God had something bigger planned, my friend Josh shared his heart with us, he's been through something similar to what I am going through, we also spent some time in fellowship about what God was doing in each of our lives, and then the sweetest time of prayer I have ever experienced happened. In that room there were four prayer warriors, interceding on our behalf, a few of them had experienced the pain, the emotion, the joy, the struggle, the anger and every other possible emotion we were feeling at that moment that we were, they had been through leaving a ministry, they had been through the pain of troubled relationships and they wanted nothing more than to be an encouragement to us, and that they were! I had to seriously ask for forgiveness for my attitude after that!
I am so thankful that God is making himself so real and evident in my life right now, I am also so thankful for opportunities to grow even closer to Him. I've said it before...and I will say it again life hasn't been easy the past month, however I am so thankful for this storm!
The first one was in the airport coming back from my weekend getaway...our flight was nearly an hour delayed taking off because the plane we were waiting for was stuck in Orlando due to storms, as I sat there I looked up and I saw this couple that had taken the same flight I did on Saturday, taking the same flight back to Baltimore, I saw a young guy, a young business man and an older woman all sit in the same little cluster of chairs that I did. As we continued to sit there the business man who I later found out was named John, kept getting phone calls on his phone, after one of the calls he took, I looked over and he was in tears, he walked to the podium and asked what time we would arrive in Baltimore, still flooded with tears and when they told him it would be after 9 p.m., he cried even more, at this point I had no idea why this man was crying, but it was breaking my heart. He begged the lady at the podium to re-route his flight so he could get back to Maine that night...it was impossible.
So John came back over and sat down right across from me, and was still crying, in the meantime (ps: I wish all of you could have watched this unfold the way I did!) Seth who was sitting next to me had taken out his guitar and was quietly strumming worship songs on his guitar, which triggered a conversation with myself, the couple (Michael and Tyanna), the older woman (Rose) and Seth about being a Christian. It was beautiful to be surrounded by a group of believers in an airport, I knew it was God, finally Rose said to John is everything okay who can WE not I WE be praying for you... "Well my wife is having our first baby, she's in early labor, the doctor just told her she's delivering, I won't be there to see my first child born."
I am not a parent so I can't even begin to imagine what this feels like, but the next thing I knew the six of us were in a prayer circle with Seth playing his guitar softly and Rose praying for John and his wife and their soon to be born baby...it was amazing, God was so real in that moment, when strangers came together to love and pray for a complete stranger in his time of need... You will all be glad to know that John and his wife are the proud parents of a little girl, she was born a little premature they named her Olivia Rose.
The other way that God made himself so real was last Wednesday evening I got together with a few friends and we spent some time dreaming about the future God has for us, about 10 minutes before we were about to end I got a text from a friend of mine, "We're outside...we just walked here from Wilkens," I have to be honest and tell you that my attitude was far from welcoming, I was exhausted...emotionally, mentally, physically and all I wanted to do was go home. But I am telling you, God had something bigger planned, my friend Josh shared his heart with us, he's been through something similar to what I am going through, we also spent some time in fellowship about what God was doing in each of our lives, and then the sweetest time of prayer I have ever experienced happened. In that room there were four prayer warriors, interceding on our behalf, a few of them had experienced the pain, the emotion, the joy, the struggle, the anger and every other possible emotion we were feeling at that moment that we were, they had been through leaving a ministry, they had been through the pain of troubled relationships and they wanted nothing more than to be an encouragement to us, and that they were! I had to seriously ask for forgiveness for my attitude after that!
I am so thankful that God is making himself so real and evident in my life right now, I am also so thankful for opportunities to grow even closer to Him. I've said it before...and I will say it again life hasn't been easy the past month, however I am so thankful for this storm!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Life really is a journey
My life is quite the journey, and I feel like God is taking me on a few journeys right now, I am excited to document them and share them with you my friends and visitors. I am excited to share the excitement, the pain, the joy, the ups and downs. I hope you'll laugh, cry and pray with me as we share my journey together! So here it goes...
If I have learned anything over the past few months (weeks more specifically) it's that God never ever lets me down or gives up on me. Over the past month I have been in the middle of one of the biggest storms of my life, and through out the entire storm God has shown up in the most unique places. Whether it's through a beautiful homeless girl I met, through the people God has strategically placed in my life to encourage me, through the man I met in the airport last night, the friend who's reading the bible with me, and challenging me to be even more hungry for the Word or the former street girl who texts me several times a week with an encouraging message.
But even more I have learned that God can use me even in my weakest, most down and out moments, I've also learned that even when I want to run away God is going to catch me and draw me back closer to Him. A few weeks ago my world was turned upside down, details aren't important but the first thing I wanted to do was run far away, I wanted to throw in the towel and I felt like I wasn't worthy of continuing with the plans God had for me...I really allowed Satan to take over my heart and my mind it was filled with anger, frustration, doubt and fear...I allowed my heart to be filled with Sin...I had to get down on my knees in the middle of my darkest moments and beg my Heavenly Daddy to forgive me for the sins I had allowed to overtake my heart, and it was in the moment that I was reminded that God will never leave me or forsake me that even in my darkest, meanest moments, while He doesn't love them He LOVES me...
There are a few verses that I have been leaning on to get through this season and time of transition God has me in I hope they can help someone just as they've helped me...
Isaiah 41:13- For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear I will help you.
Deut 31:6- Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified of them for the Lord your God goes with you, He will never leave you or forsake you.
Matthew 11:28- Come to Me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
If I have learned anything over the past few months (weeks more specifically) it's that God never ever lets me down or gives up on me. Over the past month I have been in the middle of one of the biggest storms of my life, and through out the entire storm God has shown up in the most unique places. Whether it's through a beautiful homeless girl I met, through the people God has strategically placed in my life to encourage me, through the man I met in the airport last night, the friend who's reading the bible with me, and challenging me to be even more hungry for the Word or the former street girl who texts me several times a week with an encouraging message.
But even more I have learned that God can use me even in my weakest, most down and out moments, I've also learned that even when I want to run away God is going to catch me and draw me back closer to Him. A few weeks ago my world was turned upside down, details aren't important but the first thing I wanted to do was run far away, I wanted to throw in the towel and I felt like I wasn't worthy of continuing with the plans God had for me...I really allowed Satan to take over my heart and my mind it was filled with anger, frustration, doubt and fear...I allowed my heart to be filled with Sin...I had to get down on my knees in the middle of my darkest moments and beg my Heavenly Daddy to forgive me for the sins I had allowed to overtake my heart, and it was in the moment that I was reminded that God will never leave me or forsake me that even in my darkest, meanest moments, while He doesn't love them He LOVES me...
There are a few verses that I have been leaning on to get through this season and time of transition God has me in I hope they can help someone just as they've helped me...
Isaiah 41:13- For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear I will help you.
Deut 31:6- Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified of them for the Lord your God goes with you, He will never leave you or forsake you.
Matthew 11:28- Come to Me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
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